"I thought I was having one, once," Lucy admitted, and why that was the answer that first came to mind, even she didn't know, but it hurt all the same. She hadn't ever wanted children, not of her own, anyway, but the thought of Ryan somehow staying, of the two of them someday having a family, wasn't unappealing in the least. Maybe age had something to do with it — she was closing in on a landmark now, one she would greet with no family and few friends — but she no longer felt as strongly as she once had on the subject. It didn't matter, though, when the situation to have one would never present itself; she'd had her one great love and lost him, and had no desire to look for another.

Fingers pressing briefly to the bridge of her nose, she shot Ishiah an apologetic look, well aware that such a statement likely sounded strange without preamble. "Maybe a year ago, there was a chance I might've been... But no, it's not that." Unsure how to explain it, she closed her eyes tightly for a moment, exhaling unsteadily. "I guess it's just that we were so close, and she was — her boyfriend had disappeared, so she was kind of on her own, so it... would've been like family, you know? Like a niece or a nephew or something, and I don't know if kids conceived here even still exist if they disappear."